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| celebrating New Years in Time Square 2009 |
I had an appointment Monday after work and I was planning on going straight to yoga afterwards to catch my studio’s 2-3 flow class. I got to my appointment to find out it was actually next Monday. So I was able to come home and just veg. That’s when I decided I wasn’t going to go to yoga. Nope, I was going to sit in front of the TV and do NOTHING.
Now, what’s interesting is that normally I frown upon myself when I come home and do nothing but watch TV. I feel like TV is a pretty wasteful activity and I would much rather go to yoga class or read or do SOMETHING. But when I have been up and about and doing yoga for three intense days, enough is enough.
On a similar note, recently I had to make a decision where I had to choose between the yogic or the unyogic action. Either take the road where karma wouldn’t bite me in the ass OR take the road that’s completely appropriate for a 22 year old to take but might not be the most angelic. After debating and contemplating what to do, I decided hell with it I am going to do what I want to do. And that is NOT the yogic path. Once again, enough is enough.
The final straw was when I went to a yoga class at a new studio Tuesday and despite the rave reviews I just didn’t enjoy it. In fact, I was in my mind the entire time and never settled into my practice. Time and time again the little phrases the teacher said threw me off my rhythm. A part of me kept trying to open up to the practice but the part that won was just tired of trying to do the “right” thing and be “open minded”. Enough IS enough.
Ever since I started to understand the enormity of the yoga practice and unconsciously accepted yoga as not just a practice but also a lifestyle, I have felt better about myself and life. My eating habit has been cleaner, I have attracted positive people, and I feel more contentment in my life. All and all, things are pretty good.
At the same time, I am ONLY 22 years old. And there are times when I just want to be a 22 year old. I want to slack off and maybe not do the right thing ALL the time. As much as I want to uphold my spiritual calling, I also have to be real with myself. One does not turn into a saint in one day. And let’s be real guys – change happens gradually. I am a pretty intense person, when I want something I give it my all. But I also have to be realistic and know that just like on my yoga mat, I will not achieve bakasana the first time around. I have set a pretty high standard for myself and I am admitting it to you right now – I am NOT perfect. Ok PHEW glad I got that off my chest! So with my mind’s permission… I’m going to rebel this week. You heard me. I am going to be NORMAL.Yup… normal… Just don’t tell anyone by normal I mean I’m going to drive 30 minutes to sit and meditate for an hour with my meditation teacher Tara Brach tonight. Oy who am I kidding? I am far from a normal 22 year old… =D
Namaste.
You are above and beyond normal (in the best way)!
I think it's interesting how some of us "young" people find the path so much earlier than many. In the long run, we will have an easier time integrating it into our lives because it will become habit sooner rather than later, but at the moment it is difficult because there is so much we feel we should be doing because we are young (acting crazy, being irresponsible, etc.). I had an experience the other day where I really wanted to say something to someone who was being rude…but I let my yoga lead the way and just let them be. What good would come out of me making a stink? On the other hand there is a time and place for asserting yourself, so I'm sure you can determine that for yourself…and I think that is yoga too!
I wish I had been able to balance being both mindful and fun at 22. Live it up!
We're just so happy you are who you are — "normal" or not!!
I felt that way after I quit my job working at a community newspaper. When I was working in town as the editor, I had to be very careful of preserving my reputation and making sure I was always "on" whenever I walked around town, went to a festival, got coffee at the local cafe, etc. When I quit, I was able to become just me again. Yes, being editor was part of who I was at the time, and I loved it, but I always felt uncomfortable in my own town. Now I can just be me, be free!