My road trip afforded me an excellent opportunity to get real perspective of my life. Six days of living on the road was exhilarating and exhausting.
Wednesday I was in northern NJ, Thursday I was in upstate NY. Friday I was in Boston and Saturday and Sunday I was supposed to be back in NY zen-ing out at Blue Cliff Monastery. I had every intention of going… until I saw the Boston skyline and drove through my old college campus. I decided right there and then I wanted to stay the weekend in Boston. As much as I was looking forward to Blue Cliff, how often do I get to be in Boston?? I wanted to soak in every moment. Monday I was in NY once more, and here I am, Monday night, all cozy and warm in MY bed.
Being away enabled me to step back for a few days and notice my habits and lifestyle.
I didn’t do yoga. Not even once. Usually I enjoy going to new cities and trying out new places but on this trip I simply wasn’t interested.
In tadasana, or mountain pose, sometimes it’s necessary to shift your weight back and forth a few times to learn what it feels like to balance perfectly between the heel and ball of the feet. Well, the same can be said for life. Sometimes we must live two extremes to find that sweet balance spot.
For those six days I didn’t blog, I barely tweeted, I ate out EVERY meal, and I drove. A lot. I experienced things I cannot wait to share with you and lessons I know will make excellent posts.
But for now, all I can think about is how I want to take away something from this trip. I don’t want to go back to the same old routine because clearly I am not living a very balanced life if I have to go to another extreme to feel rejuvenated. I think I am just burning myself out without a clear intention. A bit of restructuring is what is needed. A refocus on what is important and what is not.
I want to refocus on my relationship with FOOD. I keep hoping one day it will just click and I won’t ever have a binge again. But that’s not how it works and it’s time I buckle down and make it a habit to eat slower, more mindfully, and only when I’m hungry.
I want to continue with weekly routine of sadhana, getting ready, work, yoga, sleep; but with greater joy in each process rather than continuously looking onto the next. Even work, something I struggle finding joy in, opens the gates to inner peace if I allow it.
I want to take one day off a weekend, either a Saturday or a Sunday, where I make it a point to not be online. No tweeting, no blogging, no should’s. I realized on my trip a LOT of my life is trapped in the box of Shoulds and Should Nots. Once a week I want (NEED) to take a day and be a bit uninhibited. Maybe that entails doing nothing. Who knows.
I think if I can incorporate those three things, I will be able to stand in the mountain pose of life without feeling drained and defeated. Juggling a lot of projects is not the issue, the issue is taking a break in order to go back to the projects with a clear mind and heart.
Let me tell you – it certainly feels good to be home!
Namaste.
February 21st, 2012 at 4:16 pm
The line: "Even work, something I struggle finding joy in,opens the gates to inner peace if I allow it." was exactly what I needed to read today. I’ve been having a deep struggle withreconciling my spiritual path and the impact I want to make in this life withwhat I have to do for a living. I needto try and find the peace inside myself even while at the office for 10 hours aday. Your posts are always so inspiring!Keep sharing because we are listening. :<3
February 21st, 2012 at 11:00 pm
this post felt very good to read. you sound super grounded and peaceful. congrats on stepping out of your usual life to engage yourself in other activities. That's why I started l-o-v-i-n-g watching football every Sunday, because it was incredibly normal. No in-depth talk, no emotional heart felt conversation. Just simple, sport watching, eating food and of course yelling at the TV. It's nice to have balance eh?
February 23rd, 2012 at 4:42 am
So you didn't do the silent retreat? Or am I getting your trips mixed up? Boston is one of my top 5 fave cities so I totally get wanting to stay longer!
February 23rd, 2012 at 12:57 pm
i did not do the silent retreat. not this time… but its in my near future thats for sure!