My road trip afforded me an excellent opportunity to get real perspective of my life. Six days of living on the road was exhilarating and exhausting.
Wednesday I was in northern NJ, Thursday I was in upstate NY. Friday I was in Boston and Saturday and Sunday I was supposed to be back in NY zen-ing out at Blue Cliff Monastery. I had every intention of going… until I saw the Boston skyline and drove through my old college campus. I decided right there and then I wanted to stay the weekend in Boston. As much as I was looking forward to Blue Cliff, how often do I get to be in Boston?? I wanted to soak in every moment. Monday I was in NY once more, and here I am, Monday night, all cozy and warm in MY bed.
Being away enabled me to step back for a few days and notice my habits and lifestyle.
I didn’t do yoga. Not even once. Usually I enjoy going to new cities and trying out new places but on this trip I simply wasn’t interested.
In tadasana, or mountain pose, sometimes it’s necessary to shift your weight back and forth a few times to learn what it feels like to balance perfectly between the heel and ball of the feet. Well, the same can be said for life. Sometimes we must live two extremes to find that sweet balance spot.
For those six days I didn’t blog, I barely tweeted, I ate out EVERY meal, and I drove. A lot. I experienced things I cannot wait to share with you and lessons I know will make excellent posts.
But for now, all I can think about is how I want to take away something from this trip. I don’t want to go back to the same old routine because clearly I am not living a very balanced life if I have to go to another extreme to feel rejuvenated. I think I am just burning myself out without a clear intention. A bit of restructuring is what is needed. A refocus on what is important and what is not.
I want to refocus on my relationship with FOOD. I keep hoping one day it will just click and I won’t ever have a binge again. But that’s not how it works and it’s time I buckle down and make it a habit to eat slower, more mindfully, and only when I’m hungry.
I want to continue with weekly routine of sadhana, getting ready, work, yoga, sleep; but with greater joy in each process rather than continuously looking onto the next. Even work, something I struggle finding joy in, opens the gates to inner peace if I allow it.
I want to take one day off a weekend, either a Saturday or a Sunday, where I make it a point to not be online. No tweeting, no blogging, no should’s. I realized on my trip a LOT of my life is trapped in the box of Shoulds and Should Nots. Once a week I want (NEED) to take a day and be a bit uninhibited. Maybe that entails doing nothing. Who knows.
I think if I can incorporate those three things, I will be able to stand in the mountain pose of life without feeling drained and defeated. Juggling a lot of projects is not the issue, the issue is taking a break in order to go back to the projects with a clear mind and heart.
Let me tell you – it certainly feels good to be home!