Wow people! It’s been almost three weeks since I’ve written!! I have not gone this long without writing since I started this baby July 2010. I was hopeful when I went to Brasil that technology would be by my side. Unfortunately, it was not and needless to say my connection to the virtual world was spotty and expensive. Which ended up being fine since it gave me the opportunity to really enjoy time with my family. But blogging was nearly impossible. I am glad to be back =)
There’s something else that was dropped by the wayside – my practice. Despite my best attempt the first few days, three days into my trip and I ceased to roll out my yoga mat. Meditation was next to impossible with a four year old and a nine year old running around every morning starting at the crack of dawn. Ultimately though I can blame no one but myself – I simply had no interest to utilize my will.
I felt super guilty when I realized halfway through my stay that I have never gone this long without yoga asana. In fact, ever since I moved from my hometown to my new home in Jersey, my yoga has been irregular and unenlightening. My body longs to detox. Everything feels tight. It got to the point where I’m now kinda apprehensive about what sort of body will accompany me to the mat.
But then I started thinking back on my trip and noticed that there was never a point where I lost my patience with my family. I’m sure you can imagine it’s not easy to spend 18 straight days only with family (in fact I didn’t even say more than a hi to someone that was not my family). And yet, I never came close to losing my cool. Nothing bothered me. Even when someone did something I did not agree with, I just breathed and gave them the space to be who they are.
There is one particular relationship w a family member that had been troubling me for a few months and I was
worried how I was going to relate and speak to him. When the time came to have a serious conversation, however, I was able to do so from a place of love. My heart was completely open and despite his spiteful words I was able to stay grounded and remember my breath. Even though his face and words were cold and unfriendly, I could tell how he was just hurt by things outside both of our controls. He appeared surprised by my lack of attack or defensive demeanor and slowly released his defense. We were then able to resolve our issues and move forward unlike ever before. This meeting of mind and hearts is not something I am used to from him.
So ya maybe I didn’t do a downdog or kapalabhati every day or even every other day. But it was by relinquishing control of my practice that I finally saw proof in my daily life of how yoga is truly helping me become a better person. Without knowing it, my yoga asana practice was helping me build my resilience and ability to surrender to the present. So can I call myself a yogi if I don’t do yoga? I’d say YES. As long as I don’t forget that I built my resilience with PRACTICE. And if I do not get back on the mat, eventually even that may deteriorate.
So now… it’s time for some namaskars. No more excuses!