Circumstances have it so that the part time job that I moved to Jersey for is no longer available to me. Now I find myself in the same position that I was in April where I have no job. The only difference is that I am not in my home town where I had yoga, friends, and a solid community… and my bank account is close to being depleted. Do not get me wrong, I love my new home in South Jersey. I am close to the beach, Philly, and NYC and I have an amazing man by my side. His love is a huge blessing in my life and has given me an important feeling of stability as my entire world once again shifts unrecognizably.
When I found out the news about the loss of my job, I felt my heart clench with fear. I do not know what the heck I am supposed to do. Once again I am at a crossroads. Rather, not crossroads, but the end of a clear path and no clear vision of where to find the next path or what that next path entails. I know I want to teach a lot of yoga, develop my nutrition practice, someday write a book and maybe even become a professor. I know I want to teach workshops, travel, and share my passion, love and words. But I have no idea where to begin doing that and more importantly what I should do in the meantime to make money to survive. Typical issues for a 20-something year old right?
I cannot deny I looked at this predicament as a huge burden on my shoulders. For a week a sense of loss overwhelmed me and hindered my ability to act. Fear wrapped its tentacles around my heart and I fell into a pretty hopeless place for a few days.
Then one afternoon I was talking to a friend who is going through a pretty tough time and a difficult divorce. She told me she is moving across the country and when I asked her why she decided to make such a big leap she said that she is looking for a city that challenges her. That blew me away because I never saw moving to Jersey and all my transitions I have endeavored in the past few months as a challenge to overcome. Even though everything about the past few months HAS challenged me to keep my faith and heart open, I did not look at it as a positive thing. And when I read her words and realized my own prejudice against my experiences, I noticed I viewed everything as a victim of circumstance rather than an Explorer of life.
I have a choice here. We always have a choice. How do we see what is happening in our lives?
Are we a pawn or a queen?
Either way we are ultimately humble to a bigger force. However, a pawn is powerless and easily overcome while a queen is powerFUL and commands respect. How do you see yourself?
I decided it’s time to empower myself. It’s time to take responsibility for my predicament rather than blame the economy, my age, etc etc. I have felt like a pawn long enough. It’s time to transform into the Queen that I am. Are you with me?