Lately I feel like I am on the edge of a precipice. When I get good news, I am happy, elated, I find life easy and I am optimistic about my future and my current relationships. The minute I get bad news a cloud of doubt passes my mind. As soon as this cloud passes my mind, I feel like I immediately fall down a spiral of negativity and pain. This doubt leads to an inability to see my life clearly and be a rational person. I become paralyzed and suddenly the things that seemed to perfect and right just a few minutes before is now the question of whether or not I am a good person or a bad person. It’s very exhausting to live in this roller coaster where one tiny thought suddenly dampens my day. It’s very difficult to get out of this mood when I am in it and often times I look for other people to help me up. This only works for so long, however, as others become either tired by my neediness or cannot satisfy my demanding and often times picky requests.
I have to admit it’s been a pretty difficult journey for me to get myself out of this mentality. But this is when I feel tested to use the tools in my tool belt. I have plenty of knowledge and techniques to help others in similar situations, it is time I start implementing them on myself. It can be comfortable to feel like a victim in your life but it got to the point where even those feelings were no longer comforting me. It was time for action.
Clearly then, in order to get oneself out of such a negative space, there has to be desire; there has to be a deep intention. One way to cultivate this intention is by asking yourself, when you are sitting quietly and your mind is in a happy place, what matters most to you right now? Maybe it’s deep peace, loving presence, awareness, surrender to the Divine, etc. Whatever it is, bring that intention to mind when you are in that dark space. That’s all you have to do. Just remember your deep intention. Thoughts might circulate with that intention that you are not good enough and there’s no way you can live to that intention. That’s ok. Just producing that intention in your mind will start to create a shift.
As soon as you bring to mind that intention, a pause follows, a slowing down where you then observe everything that you are feeling during that negative space. I actually try to say it out loud, maybe in the car or in the bathroom, or I journal it out. Just list everything that you are feeling, starting with any bodily sensations. Tight belly. Heavy chest. Short breaths. Tired eyes. Sniffly nose. Very logical things that are happening in the body. That will lead to a natural progression to how you are feeling. Hopeless, scared, pessimistic, that the world is against me, that I am seven years old. Without stopping, by labeling my thoughts, my feelings, and my bodily sensations, usually in just a few minutes I feel a lightness start to happen around my chest area. I start noticing I can breath deeper, which I also state out loud. And I can just feel the haze of fog in my mind begin to lift.
So in order to get to that place where you find yourself getting out of the negativity, you must first want it by bringing to mind that intention. This is actually the hardest part because it is SO easy to stay comfy in that victim place. Just to be clear – you do not have to work to get out of the negative. No effort is needed. All you have to do is intentionalize. And then begin listing how yo feel right now. This sets the catalyst for entering a more positive space. It may take a long time to get out of the fog. You may be listing how you feel every hour or every 30 minutes before you feel better.
Inevitably, however, it will lift because what you are doing is you are grounding yourself in the present moment. The present moment is the only place that you will heal yourself. A lot of times what happens is we get so caught up in the fear, the doubts, and awfulizing about the future. We get caught up thinking that at some point in the future everything will fall apart and no one will love us. But as soon as we start labeling these feelings, the mind comes to the present. And in the present moment everything is fine. In the present moment, there is nothing to fear.
When you begin to label your feelings, you are not longer attracted to the future or the past. And thats why sitting and just noticing how you feel is so important. Love only happens in the present. That’s when the shifts start to happen. Just by sitting with yourself without wanting to change anything, by simply accepting what you are feeling, you begin to cultivate love to yourself, whether you know it or not. And it all starts with an intention.
This process is what has helped me tremendously ease my aching heart. Try it out! Let me know how it works for you.